10 Weeks, 2 Days

I thought about waiting until she was three months old, but I know in a few more weeks I'll have forgotten what I don't write down.

The first two weeks were the hardest. After the first week, she started to lose her newborn look, and smell. And I knew she was changing and growing fast and I wanted to enjoy every minute--but I was miserable. And I hated not being able to enjoy every minute, which made me more miserable. I was afraid of being left alone, and cried when my mother went home in the evenings. At ten days, she talked me into going to the doctor. I'm glad she did; the combination of herbal and homeopathic support and encouragement were a big help.

When Elijah was born, I dove right into life again. It was what I needed to do to be with him in the hospital. I think I expected to be able to do that again this time, only more so, since Narah was healthy and we were home. I don't know what made the difference this time, except that I may not have adequately accounted for the effect of the emotional freight that this birth carried.

Getting breastfeeding figured out was much harder than I expected. Much more painful. I dreaded every feeding for days. It wasn't until Narah was six weeks old that I started to think we might be getting the hang of it. Life started feeling a lot better when I didn't have to be in just the right chair, with just the right arrangement of pillows and footstool, to be able to feed her. Everybody said nursing would be much easier than pumping--and it is, now that we've got most of the wrinkles ironed out. But it sure wasn't in the beginning.

Now Narah is a big girl. Just in the last week or two she has changed noticeably. She makes spit bubbles. She has started talking--oooh and aaaah sounds of many different pitches, mixed with a few random "g" and "l" and "m" sounds--when she can find an audience. She has a wide range of facial expressions and communicates pretty well through them. She is working on learning to roll, experimenting with getting her hips off the ground. She has found her hands with her eyes.

Her personality is showing more and more. She is content most of the time, and shares a smile readily. When she smiles first and gets a smile in return, she shows her delight by scrunching up her eyes and doing a whole-body wriggle. When I stop in the middle of a feeding to burp her, she lets me know she isn't done by stiffening her back (so I can't sit her down to pat her) and squawking. When we head to the changing table when what she really wanted was to eat, her lower lip comes  and she stamps one foot repeatedly. I find these glimpses of who she is delightful. (Somebody please remind me of this when she's two!)

Today I came into the living room to check on Narah and Elijah. Narah, who had been fussing a little, was laying quietly on her back on the floor, and Elijah was sitting next to her--with one hand playing with his knight and dragon, and the other giving his sister a finger to suck on. He had actually put her to sleep. I love both of these kids so much it hurts.