I'm home alone today--well, except for the baby sleeping peacefully in the kitchen. E went to the fair with his grandma today, and I enjoyed the opportunity to get some extra sleep this morning, tidy up my desk, and check my email and Facebook without either guilt (on my part) or whining (on Elijah's). Then I thought, what do I do with all this glorious time that I've been handed? It turns out the answer is cry.
It's been awhile since I had a chance to be alone and process life. And it turns out that what's behind the locked door in my mind is tears.
There are a hundred reasons, big and small. Broken bodies, broken relationships, broken hearts; people I know and people I don't. My own bumps and scrapes and bruises, which look pretty small in comparison. There is so much pain in this world and right now I am struggling not to sink under the waves of knowing and hurting and helplessness. I'm And I know, I know that God loves the people that I love--and the ones I don't even know--more and better than I do. But that doesn't make my heart stop aching.