"See, conversation is always impromtu, and I am clumsy. I trip over and fumble words, jumble my thoughts together, stop short for fear of saying the wrong thing, or blurt too harsh or completely thoughtless. Then I lay, staring into the dark, wincing again at how boorish or furtive I was that day.
Putting pen to paper, or keys to screen, allows me to pour out my soul one word at a time. Then, I edit until the words waltz and harmonize (at least, I get closer to that ideal). Writing gives me confidence to lay down my “Everything is Fine” false front and be genuine: depressed, sad, silly, confused, angry, sarcastic, hopeful, tired, crazy, thoughtful, hurt. This woman is all of those things every day."
The rest of Joy's post is here.
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2 comments:
Oh, good--I think I'll go with *her* explanation! I always worry that the fact that I'm more comfortable communicating with a pen or keyboard than with a conversation is an indication of a character flaw of some kind: I hide behind walls, I'm not genuine, I don't really *communicate*, I . . . (blather, blather, blather).
But I *feel* like I'm being genuine when I write: I *feel* like I'm "pour[ing] out my soul". So maybe I really am. Like I said, I think I'll go with her explanation--I like it better than mine!
I think what you're saying is kind of wrapped up in the middle of what she's saying--except that I don't think it's a character flaw except in the sense that we're still becoming fully, authentically human. We hide behind walls and aren't genuine and don't communicate when face to face--maybe sometimes intentionally, but I'm guessing often we just can't help it--and taking off the mask when we write seems better than never taking off the mask at all--and, maybe, can help us learn to communicate better at all times. (It's just good you can't see how many times I reworked this comment!)
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