Perspective, Again

We went to the hospital today for Elijah's echo and cardiology check-up. The nurse called as I was about to get in the shower this morning to ask if we could show up an hour early in order to have the echocardiogram before the appointment with the doctor. (I told the scheduler when we made the appointment that the appointment was to discuss the results of the echo with the doctor and it seemed a little odd to me to have it before the echo--but she didn't listen to me. After all, we've only been doing this for six years.) So I threw on clothes and we rushed out the door and were half an hour late but they got us in anyway. I'm very thankful that we didn't have to see the doctor, do the echo, and then see the doctor again!

As I sat perched on the edge of the exam table during the echo, holding Elijah's hand, wearing Narah in the Ergo, answering his questions about the movie he was watching, and trying to keep Narah from watching the same, I thought about how things have changed. Elijah asked to hold my hand, but didn't really need it. He lay back nonchalantly, chatting with the tech and watching Cars--a far cry from his early echos when I had my hands and attention free for only him, but needed all of both to help him stay fear-free and still. I thought about those changes again as I nursed Narah in the exam room while the nurse was struggling to get Elijah's blood pressure (it's always been almost impossible to take with a machine) and doing his EKG, then talked with the doctor while bouncing Narah and trying to keep Elijah from hacking the computer, then gave Elijah his tube feeding while we waited for our paperwork (and kept all the gear I needed for both kids in one bag!) Once upon a time, it took me and another adult and a duffel bag of stuff to go to Elijah's doctor's appointments.

Anyway, we came home and Elijah covered the kitchen table with matchbox cars and I ate too many cookies and laid on the floor with Narah and escaped into a novel with happy endings for awhile. Then I got up and hustled Elijah out the door to soccer practice and went to get a few things done. And I looked at our living room, cluttered and chaotic, and felt profoundly grateful for several of the things that I'd been feeling stressed out and frustrated over just this morning.

I'm thankful for this day--for the hustle and bustle and the chance to just laze around for awhile in the late afternoon--for a husband who juggles it all with me, for two (when it really comes down to it) healthy kids and all the work and mess and chaos that's a sign of their presence in our home. The work and mess and chaos and sleep deprivation are hard for me, but it's not hospitals and clinic visits and med schedules and life-or-death.

For that, and for the ability to recognize it not only mentally but emotionally, I thank God.